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Essay on Shared Parenting
We live in times when too many of our children are starving for affection, gentle touch and kind words. These are also times when most adults are no longer ignorant or silent about the occurrence of child molestation, so we are hyper vigilant about the possibility. Combine these two realities and the result is confusion about what is best for the children. As too often happens when adult perceptions collide with children's lives, the children are the losers. The sad reality is that far too many of our children are not getting what they need at home. Their parents are too busy, tired or self-centered to give them the reassurance of spontaneous affection and cuddling. Children of all ages need to be told repeatedly that they are loved by both parents and that they will be taken care of.
Children need to know not only that their parents still love them, but also that each parent will respect the child's love for the other parent. Children will also need to be told repeatedly that the separation is not because of anything they did. Many children on some level blame themselves for their parents' separation. ( Doherty, W.J. (1999)) They might think that their misbehavior, bad thoughts or other actions are the reason for the split. Parents should be clear that the decision to separate was made by the adults and had nothing to do with the children's behaviors.
Some parents are overwhelmed by work lives, household chores, personal and marital problems, and/or financial difficulties; others are driven by their selfish desires to vegetate in front of the television, surf the Net or pump iron at the health club. Whatever the reasons, too many parents fail to recognize how much their children need their hugs and kisses, how much they hunger for that strong and comforting arm around their shoulders, that gentle stroking of their cheeks and hair......
