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Essay on Coping With The Death Of A Parent
The natural order of events is for parents to die before their children, which usually occurs after the children are grown. However, many American children experience the death of at least one parent by age 15, either from illness, accident, or violence. Young children are usually quite resilient when faced with upsetting situations, but the death of a parent can be an overwhelming tragedy for a child. Perhaps in part because they have a poorer understanding of death, younger children tend to have greater difficulty than older ones in adjusting to the death of a parent. (Kastenbaum, 1991) The death of a sibling, another relative, a friend, or even a pet is disturbing enough, but it usually does not compare with the child's emotional reactions to the death of a close parental figure.
Children who have lost someone or something close to them may, like bereaved adults, show denial, bodily distress, anger, hostile reactions to the deceased and others, guilt or self-blame, depression, anxiety, and even panic. They may refuse to accept the reality of the situation, idealize the deceased person, assume his or her mannerisms and attitudes, and try to find a substitute or replacement person. Eventually, however, they must reorganize their lives and learn to live without the presence and assistance of the deceased person. (Andrey, 1999)
The normal grief responses children who have lost parents are similar to those observed in anyone who has suffered a severe loss, but children do not grieve exactly like adults. Children are less likely to accept a death, and they tend to grieve intermittently for several years. In fact, genuine mourning for a deceased parent may not set in until adolescence. (Krupnick & Solomon, 1987) A young grieving child may refuse to believe that the parent is actually dead, protest vigorously, and try to find a way to get the parent back. (Bowlby, 1974)
Kastenbaum R. J. ( 1991). Death, society, and human experience, Columbus, OH: Merrill.
Andrey S. (1999). Stages children go through when they are grieving. http.//www.death-dying.com/loss/child1.html.
Krupnick J. L., & Solomon E ( 1987). "Death of a parent or sibling during childhood". In J. Bloom-Feshbach, & S. BloomFeshbach (Eds.), The psychology of separation and loss (pp. 1-59). San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.
Bowlby J. ( 1974). Attachment and loss: Vol. 2 Separation: Anxiety and anger. New York: Basic Books................
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