We are profoundly affected by our relationships for both good and for bad. When we have an argument with a loved one, we may have a hard time concentrating at work. When our child is troubled, we, as parents, suffer along with the child. When a romantic relationship breaks up, we may lose (or gain) 10 pounds in two weeks. Conversely, when we fall in love, we feel elated. Even a walk around the block with a beloved dog can make the world seem like a wonderful, happy place.
Relationships are fragile treasures. They can fail for a variety of reasons. Sometimes misunderstandings tear relationships apart. Sometimes unresolvable conflicts explode between people. Sometimes fears learned in earlier relationships undermine new investments in intimacy. Sometimes a person harms a relationship by cheating or deceit. For these and many other reasons, friend-ships, business partnerships, marriages, and family relation-ships break apart (Canary, Dainton, 2003).
When a significant relationship fails, a part of us dies with it. When our relationships break, our heart also breaks. We grieve. We search for ways to understand what happened. We want to know what went wrong. And we long to find healing for our broken hearts (Strauss, 1979).
It is not easy to trust or to risk intimacy again after we have experienced the pain of a relationship that has failed. When a particular relationship fails, we are tempted to give up on all relationships. We may fear that we will, again, inflict harm or that we will be harmed. We are tempted by the illusion that safety can be found in isolation. The trouble with this strategy, of course, is that we were created to be in relationship. We need other people. Intimate relationships with friends or with family or with a spouse enrich our lives. It......
